Apex Book Review and Interview
APEX REVIEW-DURHAM, NORTH CAROLINA
How To Deal With A Difficult Woman (Tanya White)
Category: Writing and Poetry
ISBN: 9781434303652 AuthorHouse 2007
Reviewed By Antonia Cruz Official
Apex Reviews Rating: 4 stars
'Women...special, beautiful, mighty and powerful creations. Because of our powerful femininity, we have a hypnotic way of drawing people into our world. But burdensome, hard to get along with women can make it downright impossible for anyone to have a peaceful moment.'
This natural dichotomy is the essence of How To Deal With A Difficult Woman, an impressive offering from author & educator Tanya White. In her tome, White highlights such typical traits as envy, dishonesty, self-righteousness, and even chronic tardiness in a humorous yet straightforward take on modern femininity. Leaving no taboo untouched, she skillfully assesses matters the we all face everyday, but may not have the wherewithal to inspect in further detail.
Through clever personification, White gives formal names to everyday traits in order to personalize them in the mind of the reader. For example, who among us doesn't go to church with a 'Loose Lucy' or have to deal with a 'Bossy Bonita' on the job? White further categorizes her subjects based on social status: whether as friends, family members, church mates, or co-workers, White ensures that the reader doesn't have to think too long and hard about the 'Negative Nancy's', 'Co-Dependent Cassie's', 'Man Hunting Marsha's', or 'Gabby Gabrielle's' in his/her own life.
What's most impressive about White's analysis, though, is that she counters her stinging assessments of women with just as pointed solutions for overcoming the conflict generated by associating with them - whether through patience, enhanced communication, or just good old fashioned prayer. In so doing, she offers a well-balanced approach to the greater nature of womanhood, incorporating both the good and bad together as part of an overall unified whole. Emphasizing this balance serves as a poignant reminder that we are all more than just the sum of our individual parts.
Witty and relevant, How To Deal With A Difficult Woman is an invaluable asset for deeper understanding among the sexes. White's insightful points are rife with applied wisdom, and - as a recovering 'difficult woman' herself - she speaks with convincing authority. Just what the doctor ordered for all that ails everyday relationships.
AR: Thanks for taking the time to join us for this interview, Tanya. We're truly looking forward to learning more about your book. You mention 55 specific types/traits of women in the book, including everything from jealousy to snobbiness to greed/gold-digging. What made you decide on that particular number, and how long did it take you to come up with them all?
TW: Nothing in particular. I have many more, but did not want to overwhelm people on my first book. I will reveal the others maybe in a 2nd edition. It actually took 3 weeks to come up with the 55 profiles.
AR: You also mention that you're a former 'difficult woman' yourself...care to share with our readers which particular traits were your own?
TW: Former?...I can still be difficult when my life is out of balance, when some need is not being met or when I haven't dealt with unresolved pain. But as I was writing the traits, I had one of those divine awakenings. I saw a huge reflection of my past and present self. So even though it began as a disconnected compilation of women I've struggled with, heard my friends both male and female vent about or seen in the media, by the end of the book I had a cathartic experience of many of my own 'difficult woman' traits. (I did a great job not telling you which traits closely resemble me.-LOL!)
AR: Please explain for our readers the deeper significance of 'Tongue Talking Tina' and 'Demon Casting Diana.'
TW: These are sisters who have an unbalanced and unhealthy spirituality. These sisters adamantly believe that every single problem can only be solved through speaking in the heavenly language of tongues and casting the devil out of people. However, that is one sided.
For example, sometimes your financial lack is not the devil trying to destroy you. It's simply because of your frivolous spending, excessive debt or neglecting to pay your bills. But 'Tongue Talking Tina' and 'Demon Casting Diana' preach otherwise which is not always valid. Being a minister myself, I completely understand the power of prayer and believe in the spiritual gifts. However, God is the perfect combination of spirituality and humanity. And many Christians forget that.
AR: Has anyone in your circle of family or friends asked you about whether or not you included them in the book? If so, what has your response been?
TW: Of course. I gently explain that the book is a combination of women I've been or am, women I've encountered or have seen in the media.
AR: In the solutions that you provide for dealing with difficult women, you often mention praying for them. In your experience, has that made a significant difference?
TW: Yes, prayer really does change things and people, especially me!
AR: Is there a single, most effective solution for dealing with a difficult woman? If so, what is it?
TW: There is not a single solution but a combination. The first solution is to look within yourself. If you have a lot of difficult women in your life, the only common denominator is you. Secondly, if you have not established relationship boundaries and expectations do so. Tell people your boundaries and establish consequences. Let people know your expectations.
Finally, the most important solution is honest communication. In relationships especially when conflict arises, the natural tendency is to think that people know what you are feeling without you telling them. You must communicate when people have offended you, hurt you, crossed your boundaries, when you feel neglected and rejected, etc. Being afraid to tell people how you truly feel creates more tension and difficulty.
AR: We'd love to know what kinds of reactions the book has generated thus far...?
TW: Men love the concept. At most events/signings their first reaction is 'I NEED THIS BOOK!' However, it never fails if they are with a woman-wife/girlfriend she begins to say things such as 'Why do you need this book? Are you saying that I am difficult?' The woman's reaction causes the man to change his mind about purchasing a book he really needs. Some women are apprehensive about buying for some reason. A few women have taken offense to the title but that is okay. But mostly when the women read the profiles, someone they know comes to mind or the see themselves.
AR: In addition to being an author, you're also an educator, success coach, empowerment speaker, and entrepreneur. Please share with our readers more about your various activities.
TW: Like many of us I wear many hats. I have been an educator in the public school system since 1999. I love helping to shape the minds and empower people especially children. As a life success coach I serve as a personal accountability team, resource outlet, cheerleader and guide to assist my clients with achieve success in various areas of their life. I serve as CEO of my company that I established in 2006 called T.E.E. Time Worldwide Empowerment Group which serves as the parent company for all of my business endeavors. I also speak at events, churches and women ministry groups.
AR: What's next on the horizon for you?
TW: In early 2008, I will release my sophomore book-'8 Simple Rules For Breaking The Cycle Of Settling For Unwanted, Unsatisfying and Unhealthy Relationships' as well as diligently researching and compiling content for How To Deal With A Difficult Man the much anticipated follow up to How To Deal With A Difficult Woman. My sistahs are constantly asking for the difficult man book.
AR: Any final thoughts you'd like to share with our readers?
TW: We will always encounter difficult women and/or be one. Just remember, at the root of a persons' difficult behavior is a desperate cry for help. Hurting people hurt people. You can never change the way people act. However, you can change your response and reaction. –Thanks so much for this interview.
AR: Thanks again, Tanya, and best of continued success to you in all your endeavors!
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